Funny programming pictures, jokes & quotes

cobra · Post by **cobra** » Sun Aug 09, 2009 1:40 am

Post funny programming-related pictures and quotes here.

Here are some I found:

Pictures:
http://www.qwantz.com/comics/comic2-1205.png
http://blog.protectedstatic.com/wp-cont ... inters.png
http://imagehoster.eu/images/9cq09qd7g760299vnxw.jpg
http://blogs.msdn.com/blogfiles/stevero ... 5B7%5D.gif

Lil Margin · Post by **Lil Margin** » Sun Aug 09, 2009 3:01 am

Hahahaha i liked the last one the most, so true XD

wildrj · Post by **wildrj** » Sun Aug 09, 2009 7:42 am

Sorry but i think i got the best one:

Adler1337 · Post by **Adler1337** » Sun Aug 09, 2009 9:17 pm

lol those are all hilarious.

cobra · Post by **cobra** » Mon Aug 10, 2009 1:46 am

I found some very good ones.

Jokes:

The Top 20 replies by programmers when their programs do not work:

20. "That's weird..."
19. "It's never done that before."
18. "It worked yesterday."
17. "How is that possible?"
16. "It must be a hardware problem."
15. "What did you type in wrong to get it to crash?"
14. "There is something funky in your data."
13. "I haven't touched that module in weeks!"
12. "You must have the wrong version."
11. "It's just some unlucky coincidence."
10. "I can't test everything!"
9. "THIS can't be the source of THAT."
8. "It works, but it hasn't been tested."
7. "Somebody must have changed my code."
6. "Did you check for a virus on your system?"
5. "Even though it doesn't work, how does it feel?
4. "You can't use that version on your system."
3. "Why do you want to do it that way?"
2. "Where were you when the program blew up?"

And the Number One reply by programmers when their programs don't work:
1. "It works on my machine."

This is the real development cycle of a piece of software...
Software doesn't just appear on the shelves by magic. That program shink-wrapped inside the box along with the indecipherable manual and 12-paragraph disclaimer notice actually came to you by way of an elaborate path, through the most rigid quality control on the planet. Here, shared for the first time with the general public, are the inside details of the program development cycle.

1. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.

2. Product is tested. 20 bugs are found.

3. Programmer fixes 10 of the bugs and explains to the testing department that the other 10 aren't really bugs.

4. Testing department finds that five of the fixes didn't work and discovers 15 new bugs.

5. See 3.

6. See 4.

7. See 5.

8. See 6.

9. See 7.

10. See 8.

11. Due to marketing pressure and an extremely pre-mature product announcement based on over-optimistic programming schedule, the product is released.

12. Users find 137 new bugs.

13. Original programmer, having cashed his royalty check, is nowhere to be found.

14. Newly-assembled programming team fixes almost all of the 137 bugs, but introduce 456 new ones.

15. Original programmer sends underpaid testing department a postcard from Fiji. Entire testing department quits.

16. Company is bought in a hostile takeover by competitor using profits from their latest release, which had 783 bugs.

17. New CEO is brought in by board of directors. He hires programmer to redo program from scratch.

18. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free. ----[/b]

Lil Margin · Post by **Lil Margin** » Mon Aug 10, 2009 3:56 am

12. Users find 137 new bugs.

13. Original programmer, having cashed his royalty check, is nowhere to be found.

LMAO, best joke of the day XD

tiendunn732 · Post by **tiendunn732** » Mon Aug 10, 2009 5:01 am

hahaha So funny!!

wildrj · Post by **wildrj** » Mon Aug 10, 2009 5:12 am

And another contribution by me

JP · Post by JP » Mon Aug 10, 2009 10:07 am

I have no idea why that Xhibit one is so funny but it is xD

cobra · Post by **cobra** » Mon Aug 10, 2009 5:56 pm

Haha! I was looking for that exact picture! A friend sent it to me a while ago and I forgot where it was located.

Geomaster · Post by **Geomaster** » Fri Oct 16, 2009 11:46 am

I personally like this piece of code:

Code: Select all

void Woman::toBathroom()
{
     while (true) { }
}

^^

Lambda · Post by **Lambda** » Tue Oct 20, 2009 4:40 pm

Geomaster wrote:I personally like this piece of code:
Code: Select all
void Woman::toBathroom()
{
     while (true) { }
}
^^

This one is better

Code: Select all

void CWoman::InitBathroom()
{
	CWoman* pFriend = 0;
	CWoman* pHuman = CBaseHuman::FindNextHuman( EHT_GIRL );

	while( pHuman )
	{
		if( pHuman->IsFriend( this ) )
		{
			pFriend = pHuman;
			break;
		}

		pHuman = CBaseHuman::FindNextHuman( EHT_GIRL );
	}

	while( true )
	{
		if( pFriend )
			pFriend->ProcessMisteriousThings();

		ProcessMisteriousThings();
	}
}

void CWoman::ProcessMisteriousThings()
{
	//! Who knows...
}

hopcarl85 · Post by **hopcarl85** » Wed Dec 09, 2009 7:23 am

Hey guys,
Really fantastic pictures. I really like it. So funny looking. Thanks for posting.

Cheers.

shadowslair · Post by **shadowslair** » Wed Dec 09, 2009 12:19 pm

Here`re some I found over the net:

"Virtual" means never knowing where your next byte is coming from.
********
"It's 5:50 a.m., Do you know where your stack pointer is?"
********
"Programming is a lot like sex. One mistake and you could have to support it the rest of your life."
********
"The human mind ordinarily operates at only ten 10% of its capacity, the rest is overhead for the operating system."
********
Q: how many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: none, that's a hardware problem
********
Q: how many Microsoft programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: none, they just make darkness a standard and tell everyone "this behavior is by design"
********
Q: How many programmers does it take to kill a cockroach?
A: Two: one holds, the other installs Windows on it
********
Q: How many C++ programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: You’re still thinking procedurally. A properly designed light bulb object would inherit a change method from a generic light bulb class, so all you would have to do is call the light-bulb-change method.
********
Q. How did the programmer die in the shower?
A. He read the shampoo bottle instructions: Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
********
Two bytes meet. The first byte asks, “Are you ill?”
The second byte replies, “No, just feeling a bit off.”
********
A computer science student is studying under a tree and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, “Where’d you get that?”The student on the bike replies, “While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, ‘You can have anything you want’.”The first student responds, “Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you.”

********
A man flying in a hot air balloon suddenly realizes he’s lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts to get directions, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"

The man below says: "Yes. You're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."

"You must work in Information Technology," says the balloonist.

"I do" replies the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but It's of no use to anyone."

The man below replies, "You must work in management."

"I do," replies the balloonist, "But how'd you know?"

"Well", says the man, "you don’t know where you are, or where you’re going, you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault."

********
A young Programmer and his Project Manager board a train headed through the mountains on its way to Wichita. They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother. After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young programmer are interested in each other, because they are giving each other looks. Soon the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch black. There is a sound of a kiss followed by the sound of a slap.

When the train emerges from the tunnel, the four sit there without saying a word. The grandmother is thinking to herself, “It was very brash for that young man to kiss my granddaughter, but I’m glad she slapped him.”

The Project manager is sitting there thinking, “I didn’t know the young tech was brave enough to kiss the girl, but I sure wish she hadn’t missed him when she slapped me!”

The young woman was sitting and thinking, “I’m glad the guy kissed me, but I wish my grandmother had not slapped him!”

The young programmer sat there with a satisfied smile on his face. He thought to himself, “Life is good. How often does a guy have the chance to kiss a beautiful girl and slap his Project manager all at the same time!”

********
Jesus and Satan have an argument as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest with God as the judge. They set themselves before their computers and begin. They type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen, for several hours straight.

Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over. He asks Satan to show his work. Visibly upset, Satan cries and says, “I have nothing. I lost it all when the power went out.”

“Very well,” says God, “let us see if Jesus has fared any better.”

Jesus presses a key, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers.

Satan is astonished. He stutters, “B-b-but how?! I lost everything, yet Jesus’ program is intact! How did he do it?”

God chuckles, “Everybody knows… Jesus saves.”
********

And here`s my favourite Irrlicht joke pic, posted by sio2 some time ago:
http://sio2.g0dsoft.com/irrlicht_vs_ogre.jpg

grumpymonkey · Post by **grumpymonkey** » Tue Dec 15, 2009 1:09 am

Code: Select all

Q: how many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? 
A: none, that's a hardware problem

lmfao idk why that one was so funny xD